Announcing "The Real Hack of the Century"

Monday's headline announced "Epsilon breach: hack of the century?" The question mark signals a tongue in the author's cheek, because Epsilon is by no stretch of the imagination the "hack of the century." Of course the qualification sentence in the article is much less provocative:

When it's all said and done, the Epsilon hack may be the largest name and email address breach in the history of the Internet.

In spite of the above obvious stretch to get a good headline, let me go out on a limb and announce The Real Hack of the Century:

1. It has already happened.
2. It has not been publicly reported, and that includes Stuxnet or any data bombs the Chinese have placed in our utility infrastructure.
3. When it is reported, it will be a zero-day exploit and NOT an inside job.
4. Unlike the plebeian Epsilon breach, it will NOT be discovered until after the ultimate goal of the exploit (ie, monetization or acquiescence of the target government) has been achieved.
5. It may also earn its architect (if he's a U.S. citizen) a presidential pardon (the proverbial get-out-of-jail-free card). Getting a pardon may not be a stretch as it could be the negotiating card—the quid pro quo—the hacker uses to undo some serious damage. Kind of like Russia's letting Young Darth Vader off the hook with no jail time. Naturally, The Real Hack of the Century will make the young Russian's banking exploits equate to knocking over a child's lemonade stand. 

So print out this prediction, seal it in an envelope, and put it in your desk drawer.

Want a real superlative headline that can be backed up with cold, hard logic? Read my post asserting "The most significant legal decision of the first decade of the new millennium." Taman Shud.