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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

2014 Headline: Law Firm Stings Hackers for $60 Million

Based upon "data exhaust" produced by Quantum Leap Buzz from Twitter and Facebook feeds, and Quantum Leap Analyst simulations on cyber security breach escalation, I predict the following story (or one substantially identical with different players) will appear in mid to late 2014.
NEW YORK, NY - December 17, 2014 - In a first-of-its-kind press conference held after the close of markets today, the number-one M&A legal firm of Davis Polk & Wardwell (http://www.davispolk.com) announced a massive. and what they contend to be legal, sting operation against a foreign government attempt to penetrate the security of their super-secure mergers and acquisitions working documents. Senior Counsel Peter R. Douglas (see bio here) outlined the basics of a sting operation which netted Davis Polk's client some $60 million. Those funds will be donated in their entirety to several zero-overhead charitable organizations (see a discussion of zero-overhead charities here).

"Davis Polk would like to thank the news media for attending what we think is an historical event," began Davis Polk's Senior Counsel Peter R. Douglas. "Only one organization had any detailed information on the subject of this announcement, and we purposely misdirected that source to believe in a substantially different scenario. We believe that source to be an arm of the Chinese government who had infiltrated our most sensitive M&A computer systems. Nowhere but in those top secret files did we allude to a major announcement of a shell public company for which we were preparing a spectacular announcement. The organization which illegally accessed those files spent over $75 million buying shares in our shell company, which netted our firm, the owner of those shares, approximately $60 million dollars."

"I would like to assure all Davis Polk clients that our real data security was never at risk," said Douglas. "It was only because of persistent attempts to break into our systems that we devised a 'honey pot' system to lure and trap intruders. Since U.S. cyber law prohibited us from taking direct retaliatory action against the intruders, we came up with a plan to stab them with their own sword."

"Trading in this stock has been suspended," continued Douglas. "Our clearing house has expedited settlement in our favor, and we hereby announce the donation of all $60 million to worthy charities around the world. The funds—all $75 million, including commissions of $15 million—will be held in escrow until we receive authorization from the Securities and Exchange Commission that they anticipate no civil or criminal actions will be taken against Davis Polk or our shell client organization."

Concluded Douglas, "We are providing authorities with the names of the entities who acted on illegally obtained information to buy this stock and profit from it. Except for one domestic buyer, all the funds came from organizations closely tied to the Central Bank of China. The one exception was a domestic buyer who appears to be related to a senior analyst working for the U.S. National Security Agency (NSA)."

Mr. Douglas then closed the press conference without taking questions from the media, indicating that details would be released as deemed appropriate by legal counsel and as authorized by the Securities and Exchange Commission.

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Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?