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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Hacking the Utah Attorney General's Office


"You're a mean one, Mister Grinch." It would appear to the casual observer that the former Utah Attorney General John Swallow is a crook. Even the Grinch wouldn't beat a legal affidavit out of a guy on his death bed, trying to turn a bribe into an unbribe.* Man, talk about a heart two sizes too small. Sure, Swallow resigned hours ahead of a report on his crookedness, and the wheels of justice are grinding away on his growing litany of shenanigans. But that's not the bad part. The fact is, the Utah Attorney General's office is…well…asleep at the switch. Which is an open invitation for massive miscreant misbehavior. 

Merry Christmas to the LGBT community, who was ready to walk into city hall and have their same-sex marriages licensed and performed by none other than Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker just hours after a federal judge declared Utah's same-sex-marriage ban unconstitutional. A moderately competent attorney general's office would have had the paperwork ready to file for a stay of the decision pending appeal. 

Don't get me wrong. It's not the purpose of this blog to comment on Judge Shelby's ruling or opine on same-sex marriage. The cause of my indigestion is that Utah politicians ought to be paying more attention to operational competence and less attention to diode output of the FOR SALE signs on their lapel buttons. 

So to all you hackers, crackers, and black hats I say, "Come to the Grinch's home state and do some phishing!" U.S. cyber security laws already have us playing with our hands behind our backs. There's not a single person in the U.S. House or Senate that knows a DNS hack from a double hernia. Pay your protection money from a PAC named something like "Decency for the Homeless" and then suck up cash like a Hoover,the vacuum cleaner, not J. Edgar. Heck, if J. Edgar were alive today he'd probably be standing in the marriage license line at the Salt Lake City Hall with his former assistant Clyde Tolson. 

*Swallow had the audacity to cajole Richard M. Rawle into signing an affidavit explaining his arrangement with Swallow just days before Rawle died of cancer in December 2012. Swallow distributed the document as proof that he'd done nothing wrong.

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Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?