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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Dear Donald Trump: Here's My Audition for Apprentice Secretary of Defense

Sadly, I missed out being on Celebrity Apprentice. Since my guerrilla warfare ads created several Silicon Valley billionaires, I figured I could get each one of them to pony up a cool $1 million for some Celebrity Apprentice fundraiser and win the competition. Alas, Donald trump is running for President of the United States. But rather than dash my hopes, several new possibilities open up. Here is the first of my President Trump Apprentice suggestions. Not only could this get great ratings, but in most cases it would be self-liquidating, in that the cost of the operation would be covered by advertisers and apprentice contacts and not by the U.S. Taxpayer.

Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau's last moment on Planet Earth

Dear Mr. Trump,

Another block-buster (pun intended) reality show if you become POTUS could be Celebrity Secretary of Defense, wherein a group of apprentices would vie for recognition in attacking world terrorism. My own project would be elimination of the human trafficking activities of Boko Haram's terrorist leader Abubakar Shekau. These are the wonderful people who kidnap African school girls and subject them to unspeakable brutality.

Again, this could be self-liquidating, in that I could get my sponsors to fund the armaments. While one Lockheed Martin/Raytheon hellfire missile would go for about $70,000, I personally think the collateral damage (ie; killing of innocent captives) would be unacceptable, I'd spend the equivalent amount to install drone-controllable glide wings on an I-beam like the ones used in your New York buildings, along with a thousand-frame-per-second HD video camera to mount on the projectile's nose. That way, we could capture Abubakar's final expression in mortality.



Oh yes, and the supersonic I-beam would be covered in pig fat and have the inscription "72 Virgins" spray painted along both sides.

Sincerely yours,

The Destroying Angel

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