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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Hacking Skid Marks in Your Shorts: ButtValet.com

video

A couple of BYU entrepreneurs asked me for advice on a company they wanted to launch. Kind of a Dollar Shave Club for frequent travelers plagued with skid marks in their shorts. It took me about 30 seconds to arrive at an available URL: ButtValet.com. You should check out their Facebook site, which they launched yesterday. And another 30 seconds to come up with the verbiage on the back of their individual ButtValet packets: Give these away on the airplane and land yourself a free month's supply with every referral. Talk about viral marketing, heh heh.



I remembered several trips where I really could have used individually wrapped butt wipes to spare myself some serious discomfort. Truly. When I travel for 3 days, I pack 3 sets of shorts. Skid marks on one mean either wearing them for the rest of the day, or, eh, going commando. Once, at a Safeguard Scientifics advisory board meeting in Atlantic City, I rather badly defiled my shorts. Something about the food there? At a group dinner that night, several of my table mates started sniffing the source of the poo smell at the table. I pretended to sniff, myself. We never did discover the culprit, although several heads nodded when one fellow left the table. He was a start-up presenting to the group, hoping to get VC funding. Someone commented that he must have gotten too nervous. We all laughed.

I once had a buddy who had the middle seat on a transcontinental airline flight. He, well, "sharted" himself and did a rather poor job of rinsing out his shorts in the airline lavatory. His seat turned into the seventh level of hell for the people to either side of him.

If you're a frequent traveler, $8 per month will solve a lot of problems.

And if you're one of my CEO buddies, Spencer and Chance (my two BYU buddies) will make your company a swell deal supplying your corporate restrooms with a monthly supply of ButtValet.com pre-packaged wipes. Not only will your employees thank you, but your Monday morning staff meetings will, ah…go a lot more smoothly.

Check out ButtValet.com to see a cute movie they did. The boys didn't like the script I wrote for them. I even bet them my stock position in their company, double or nothing, that my script would out pull their by 100-to-1. But those of you familiar with my guerrilla warfare style can probably guess my script offended the sensibilities of young idealists.

So take a peek at the movie, and their website. And if you sign up for ButtValet monthly deliveries, be sure to write RICK BENNETT as the referring source. You'll get infinite satisfaction as you travel, and I'll get a lifetime supply of wipes for myself. Of course, I don't travel. I get to sit here in "The Pirate Cottage" and come up with outrageous marketing ideas for my high-tech clients. Thank Heaven for GoToMeeting and the Internet.

Selah.

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Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?