Monday, May 11, 2015

"Make my May!" Hijacking the Nashville Airport Baggage Claim for Fun and Profit

If you're flying into Nashville during the month of May (paraphrasing Clint Eastwood, "Make my May!"), you'll notice all 8 pillars in airport baggage claim featuring superstars from my client ConnectAndSell. This week is the Sirius Decisions conference in Nashville, and ConnectAndSell is a sponsor and presenter at the conference. 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

In 2011, I Predicted Oracle Would Buy Salesforce.com

Marc Benioff of Salesforce. Pic: Techcrunch
Today's UK Register article got my juices flowing (see the article here). They reported that Salesforce.com is being eyed for acquisition by "somebody." Given my intimate knowledge and insight into Larry Ellison and Marc Benioff, two charter members of my Privateer Fantasy League (see the league and their nominations here), I say, "It's about time!" I jumped the gun a bit, predicting the acquisition in 2011 and betting it would take place sometime in 2013 (see both predictions here). So I'm off by 2 years.

Enjoy the show, folks.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

White House Guarantees Zombie Apocalypse

America
Speaking at this year's RSA conference, White House Cybersecurity coordinator confessed complicity in assuring us of a zombie apocalypse (read the UK Register story here). Michael Daniel, special assistant to the President on cybersecurity matters, gave a green light to the "Beltway Bandits" for development of predatory virus weapons:
"We need to have a larger toolset to go after what the bad guys are doing," he said.
You might be asking. "How does this guarantee a zombie apocalypse?" Simply, every Beltway Bandit and wannabe Beltway Bandit has got to develop massively lethal cyber capabilities. According to my Perfect Virus Principle 22 (see all 22 principles of the Perfect Virus here):

  • THE PRINCIPLE OF DEFENSE:  The Perfect Virus has defenses that make Sigourney Weaver's Alien monster look like a mildly incontinent house pet. It can be directed to so fundamentally change the DNA of the host system that eradication will destroy the host, intelligently and forever. Think of it as a genetic mix of the fictional Alien and Predator (a la Arnold Schwarznegger) species. Armed with Jesse Ventura's chain gun. In fact, rent or buy and then watch the Aliens vs. Predator DVD. It'll give you some additional virus Defense scenarios to consider.
 The zombie apocalypse guarantee: Since it's illegal to test offensive cyberwarfare capability "in the wild" on the Internet, aspiring BWBs (Beltway Bandits) will be limited by their financial ability to field a robust closed test bed. The odds of some poorboy mutant virus getting loose into the WorldWide Web is virtually 100%. Some poor summer-job intern will invariably bring his BlueTooth-enabled smart phone into the testing site, and get said smart phone "Frankensteined" by a work-in-progress virus. One little dinner-date email check is all it will take to introduce havoc.

What! You don't believe me? Well Grasshopper, time will tell.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Happy Earth Day, Frank Herbert

Here is a much younger me in 1980 with my friend Frank Herbert. Sure, Frank's Dune, along with his other science fiction, eerily foresaw our current geopolitical battle lines, where technology became sufficiently advanced that one individual could wreak havoc on the entire planet. But his justifiable concern for Planet Earth, and his Philadelphia speech on the first Earth Day in 1970, is also appropriate for today. Ignoring the shrill rhetoric on both sides of the ecology argument, Frank's agenda was apolitical and common sense. We had many high-bandwidth conversations about everything from technology to religion to politics. Sure, he talked me into running for the U.S. Congress back in 1978. It might have been interesting, had I won and tried to live up to his vision of me as his "Tactful Saboteur" Jorj X. McKie. Who am I kidding, though? I'd probably be in jail today, having slipped a thumb drive past the capitol's legislative firewall and wreaking havoc on the Beltway Bandits' meal ticket.

Happy Earth Day, Frank.

Sincerely, Rick Jorj X. McKie Bennett.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Israel's Mossad to Release Bill AND Hillary Clinton's Emails

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL—Sometime Before 2016—Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today that Israeli's Mossad has been authorized to release the entirety of both Bill and Hillary Clinton's personal Email files. The indexed and searchable database is now available at http://www.MossadPublic.com.

"We released these documents," explains Prime Minister Netanyahu, "to protect the integrity of and our friendship with Israel's most important ally. We are aware of at least five other nations' security services that have gained access to these files from the Clinton's home-based server, and we wanted to validate that our version of these data is true, accurate, and unedited. This avoids the real possibility that other governments may be prepared to alter these files for their own geopolitical purposes."

Unnamed sources in both the Russian and Chinese intelligence communities expressed shock and dismay that Israel beat them to the punch. Exclaimed one North Korean source, "Damn! We really truly had these files first." The Clinton 2016 presidential campaign staff were not available for comment, although police received a complaint of excessive profanity penetrating neighboring offices and onto the street through open windows.

So far, no national leaders have disputed the accuracy of the Israeli-supplied files. Which means Israel's goal for protecting the data assets of their most important international ally has been achieved.

Mazel tov.