Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Hacking the Utah Air Quality Equation

On March 31st, the Salt Lake Valley's air quality problem seemed insurmountable. The so-called "inversion" got breathed in by our predominantly Mormon community like a daily pack of cigarettes. But unknown to residents of arguably the most foul-aired metropolitan area in the continental United States, inventor Rick Bennett trudged through waist-deep show and over treacherously icy granite inclines to install his ionic vortex technology device atop Utah's Lone Peak. Six AA flashlight batteries activated a catalytic process that attracted five of the six most common pollutants responsible for Utah's abysmal air quality: carbon monoxide, sulphur oxides, lead, and two mining-created types of particulate matter. That's the good news. But…

By noon today, Bennett had to remotely deactivate his device. Two "unintended consequences" caused a bit of an uproar in both Salt Lake and in Utah Counties.

First, the rapid attraction by the ionic vortex catalytic process created hurricane-force winds that literally tore the roofs off several Suncrest mountain top homes. According to Bennett, "There are some liability issues that far exceed the limits of my own homeowner's insurance policy."

The second, and by some accounts, the most serious problem is the device's creation of a 25,000 ton monolith that residents on both sides of Lone Peak are calling The Rickcicle. Local television stations are having difficulty interviewing residents, as even the most pious in this strongly religious community turn the air blue with invective as they react to the new view outside their bedroom windows.

News crews could not interview Bennett on camera, as crowds of irate neighborhood residents had surrounded his home. The telephone interview was cut short by the sound of breaking glass, just after Bennett lamented, "I bet this is how Dr. Frankenstein felt…"

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Huawei Gets Green Light to Infect British Infrastructure

David Cameron, Prime Minister, meets Ren Zhengfei, founder and CEO of Huawei Technologies, in Downing Street, 11th September, 2012.
Good grief! Giving Huawei a clean bill of health (see the UK Register story here) is letting the fox in the henhouse. Heck, 37 years ago I was putting foolproof back doors into the RSTS timesharing system I had installed in my home and from which I ran my 1978 race for the U.S. Congress. The revelation that NSA put back doors into the firmware on US-manufactured disk controllers ought to be proof enough that any reasonably competent developer can create absolutely undetectable hooks. Somebody (probably multiple somebodies) on Her Majesty's  Cyber Security team has been well and truly…bought.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Spy vs. Spy, or With Friends Like These…


Yesterday's WSJ story on the administrations' pique at the audacity of Israel's actually spying on US-Iranian nuclear talks (see story here)is a real knee slapper, given that the US found out about the spying from their own spying on Israel. Two paragraphs in the story say it all:

SPY
The espionage didn’t upset the White House as much as Israel’s sharing of inside information with U.S. lawmakers and others to drain support from a high-stakes deal intended to limit Iran’s nuclear program, current and former officials said.
 vs. SPY
The White House discovered the operation, in fact, when U.S. intelligence agencies spying on Israel intercepted communications among Israeli officials that carried details the U.S. believed could have come only from access to the confidential talks, officials briefed on the matter said.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Dear Kim Jong Un: Hillary's Your Chance to Be a Superstar!


Heaven help me, but I never thought I'd be giving meaningful PR advice to a Megalomaniac Mental Midget (M-cubed or maybe 3M?). But I was talking yesterday to Jeff Walker, one of the charter members of my cyber privateer fantasy league team and the inspiration for The Perfect Virus (see his nomination here), and Jeff came up with this idea. Simply, challenge KJU to release all of Hillary Clinton's email to the world! Not only would it beat the hell out of publicly spanking Sony, but the PR value could greatly endear this emotional pygmy to a GOP-controlled congress and perhaps even a 2016 POTUS candidate or two.

I confess I've been selfishly monetizing the NORK's "Beloved Leader" in my own humble way. Those of you who might be attending the Sales 2.0 Conference in San Francisco on April 27-28, 2015 will see the following ad:

Did you know that there is no royalty free stock photography of Kim Jong Un available for advertising use? So I had to hire a caricaturist to pull this off (and full disclosure demands I fess up to owning stock in the company being advertised). Shamelessly plagiarizing from the Sony movie that drew M-cubed's wrath, the "fun factor" kept me from seeing the big picture. 

Thanks to Jeff Walker, the NORK Wee Warlock Wonker (W-cubed?) could actually become a media sweetheart. All he has to do is promise his Chinese sponsors that he'll play nice with the world for 12 months in exchange for their treasure trove of Hillary Clinton emails. As I previously posted, it's flat guaranteed that the Chinese have all those emails (see my rationale here). 

Of course, Jeff's brilliant idea will never happen, because none of the midget's minions would dare present His Royal Himself with this insulting article. After all, who wants to get torn to pieces by hungry dogs on NORK television? But maybe one of my Chinese readers (the third most frequent visitors to this blog, second only to Ukraine and the United States) might scrub my sarcasm and cause an Utterly Unbelievable Ungasm in a small and easily manipulated brain, accompanied by the tune Springtiime for Hitler.

Taman Shud. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Hillary Clinton Email Server Hacked, Guaranteed!

Okay, suppose you are Russia or China. You're aware that the U.S. Secretary of State is actually dumb enough to host her own email server. Even if you're a third-world country without the infrastructure to create serious cyber attacks yourself, a few thousand dollars in Bitcoins to Hackers-R-US will get you zero day exploits to crack just about any individual server. Either way, you're going to OWN that server before the next national holiday (pick your country, pick your holiday). Several options present themselves:
  1. Hope Hillary runs for POTUS so you can push your agenda, holding "sensitive personal stuff" over her head?
  2. Monetize your email haul right away by selling them to the Clinton campaign.
  3. Monetize your email haul by going for the much deeper pockets of  the GOP.
  4. Do a Snowden and make yourself famous when the time comes.
Have I missed anything? Needless to say, the late-night comics are about to get a treasure trove.