Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Hacking Skid Marks in Your Shorts:


A couple of BYU entrepreneurs asked me for advice on a company they wanted to launch. Kind of a Dollar Shave Club for frequent travelers plagued with skid marks in their shorts. It took me about 30 seconds to arrive at an available URL: You should check out their Facebook site, which they launched yesterday. And another 30 seconds to come up with the verbiage on the back of their individual ButtValet packets: Give these away on the airplane and land yourself a free month's supply with every referral. Talk about viral marketing, heh heh.

I remembered several trips where I really could have used individually wrapped butt wipes to spare myself some serious discomfort. Truly. When I travel for 3 days, I pack 3 sets of shorts. Skid marks on one mean either wearing them for the rest of the day, or, eh, going commando. Once, at a Safeguard Scientifics advisory board meeting in Atlantic City, I rather badly defiled my shorts. Something about the food there? At a group dinner that night, several of my table mates started sniffing the source of the poo smell at the table. I pretended to sniff, myself. We never did discover the culprit, although several heads nodded when one fellow left the table. He was a start-up presenting to the group, hoping to get VC funding. Someone commented that he must have gotten too nervous. We all laughed.

I once had a buddy who had the middle seat on a transcontinental airline flight. He, well, "sharted" himself and did a rather poor job of rinsing out his shorts in the airline lavatory. His seat turned into the seventh level of hell for the people to either side of him.

If you're a frequent traveler, $8 per month will solve a lot of problems.

And if you're one of my CEO buddies, Spencer and Chance (my two BYU buddies) will make your company a swell deal supplying your corporate restrooms with a monthly supply of pre-packaged wipes. Not only will your employees thank you, but your Monday morning staff meetings will, ah…go a lot more smoothly.

Check out to see a cute movie they did. The boys didn't like the script I wrote for them. I even bet them my stock position in their company, double or nothing, that my script would out pull their by 100-to-1. But those of you familiar with my guerrilla warfare style can probably guess my script offended the sensibilities of young idealists.

So take a peek at the movie, and their website. And if you sign up for ButtValet monthly deliveries, be sure to write RICK BENNETT as the referring source. You'll get infinite satisfaction as you travel, and I'll get a lifetime supply of wipes for myself. Of course, I don't travel. I get to sit here in "The Pirate Cottage" and come up with outrageous marketing ideas for my high-tech clients. Thank Heaven for GoToMeeting and the Internet.


Monday, March 13, 2017

Hacking Horse Race Challenge: Russia or Israel?

Yo Black Hats International,

How about you try to get this simple script onto the CNN website? Permanently. Here it is:

Want to see what it looks like?  Here ya go:

Just click on the above. Good, clean fun.

Russia or Israel. For the championship.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Hacking Your Enemy's Website (And It's Legal)

Okay, THIS is interesting. How would you like to drop an animated or even real-liveperson video onto your competition's website? Just get yourself a GREEN SCREEN setup from Amazon ($138 including tax and shipping) and shoot something. Here's my raw video:

Then I used this via to get it onto my test website. Check out that site:

I could have dropped it onto ANY WEBSITE with the new URL supplied by the guys at VideoPal. Then I just promote their URL in mail to my "community" (protesters, anarchists, hackers, etc.) and let them post it to their communities.

Want to see what it looks like on the CNN website? Click on

Let me know what you think.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Trivial Hack: Voter Fraud Easy to Check

Being a mathematician at heart (and living on analytics to determine whether ads for my clients are getting any ROI at all), it would be easy to check whether or not voter fraud is rampant. Two scenarios: (1) Dead People Voting; and (2) Illegals Voting. How?

1.  Dead People Voting:

The Social Security Death Index is publicly available through numerous sites. A quick pass of this data through a given state's voting records would immediately spot "dead guys voting." Period.

2.  Illegals (non-citizens) voting is only slightly more difficult to check. Take California.

Since anybody can get a driver's license in California, and since a driver's license adequate for voter registration, a pass of Hispanic driver's license names against all voter records would give a massive database of voters. Generally speaking, a random sample of 400 such names could then be checked for valid citizenship and yield a statistically significant prediction of fraudulent voter percentages.

In both cases above, such research would require the cooperation of the state. Which might require some court action. Or not, if a presidential order could get the NSA to coach the idiots at the FBI on how to hack the associated state cyber infrastructure. Sorry, but I've posted previously on my low opinion of the FBI's cyber capabilities (do a search in the box to the left for my articles critical of the FBI).

Friday, December 9, 2016

How Donald Trump Could Eliminate Human Trafficking in 100 Days

Dear Mr. President Elect,

Another block-buster (pun intended) self-liquidating program for your White house could be Celebrity Bounty Hunter, wherein a group of apprentices would vie for recognition in attacking world terrorism. My own project would be elimination of the human trafficking activities of Boko Haram's terrorist leader Abubakar Shekau. These are the wonderful people who kidnap African school girls and subject them to unspeakable brutality.

Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau's last moment on Planet Earth

Again, this could be self-liquidating, in that I could get my sponsors to fund the armaments. While one Lockheed Martin/Raytheon hellfire missile would go for about $70,000, I personally think the collateral damage (ie; killing of innocent captives) would be unacceptable, I'd spend the equivalent amount to install drone-controllable glide wings on an I-beam like the ones used in your New York buildings, along with a thousand-frame-per-second HD video camera to mount on the projectile's nose. That way, we could capture Abubakar's final expression in mortality.

Oh yes, and the supersonic I-beam would be covered in pig fat and have the inscription "72 Virgins" spray painted along both sides.

Sincerely yours,

The Destroying Angel