1800CONTACTS has spent HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS suing Lens.com for having the audacity to buy Google AdWords to poach leads from 1800CONTACTS. Imagine the gaul! Competing for business on the Internet. How dare they!
If you don't have time to dissect the ruling, here are a few knee-slappingly funny points:
- The total business generated by a Lens.com affiliate who did indeed use the 1800CONTACTS name in their ad copy was less the the price of a used Yugo!
- The appeals court ever-so-diplomatically suggested that 1800CONTACTS' law firm blew it when, on page 17 of the ruling, they write: "…1-800's only clearly expressed theory of infringement was initial-interest confusion. Although it asserts on appeal that Lens.com's acts of direct infringement included purchasing merely generic keywords and then failing to designate the 1800CONTACTS mark as a negative keyword, that theory was not raised in district court."Translated: "Too bad your legal geniuses missed a more cogent argument."
- The appeals court again slaps 1800CONTACTS' brilliant legal team on page 29 when they write: "But this argument misreads the district court's order." Translated: "Learn to read, morons!"
- Finally, the appeals court is downright effusive in their praise of Judge Waddoups original ruling: "We affirm for substantially the reasons set forth in the district court's thorough and cogent order" [I added the emphasis in the last four words of that sentence].