Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Stanford Security Conference Keynote This Week by Morgan Rapier

Time Magazine reported today on cyber security leaders from 40 countries meeting at Stanford University this week to discuss worldwide cooperation (see story here). Following is an excerpt from the keynote address prepared by licensed and bonded cyber privateer Morgan Rapier.
Minister Mingzhao [China], Cyberissues Coordinator Painter [U.S. State Department], members of the East West Institute, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen. It is my pleasure to report to you that this meeting is in no danger of being overrun by brain-eating Zombies, because there isn't enough mental mass in this room to feed even a Chinese-sized family of the walking dead. Larry Ellison was right back in 1985 when he talked about Oracle hiring practices (see the whole article here):
"If I want to hire someone for the Oracle kernel DBMS development group, I'll go to MIT and hire the guy who got a 5.0 GPA (4.0 was merely an "A" while the 5.0 got "As" in honors classes). If I want someone for the applications division, I'll hire a 5.0 (honors classes again) out of U.C. Davis. And if I want someone to run the mail room, I'll get a 5.0 out of Stanford." 
So if this cyber security gig doesn't work out for you, you can always apply for a job in the Oracle mail room. The only remotely intelligent statement to come out of this conference was by economics professor John Shoven, who directs the Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research:
He warned of the “tremendous disruption the lack of trust in the security of the Web would do to the economy.”
The United States has essentially re-established this trust in the security of the Web. As I stated in my testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee (see the final chapter of Daddy's Little Felons, available here):
We are splitting sixty-two billion with the Israelis [operating under a Congressionally issued letter of marquee and reprisal]. Thirty-one billion is our share. And by the way, most of that money came from oil-producing countries that backed a massive jihadist attempt to hack the electronics of every computer-equipped car in America and cause a one-day massacre on September 11th. .
Notwithstanding China Minister Mingzhao's call to "…establish new international rules for behavior in cyberspace…" I suggest that our licensed and bonded cyber privateers, operating under the auspices of the U.S. Justice Department, have effectively established and enforced your so called international rules for behavior in cyberspace. Those rules are clearly and, more importantly, publicly defined in the Cyber Privateer code (read it here). 

[Commander Rapier's remarks were disrupted when representatives of Iran and North Korea rushed the speaker's dais. Rapier, a former U.S. Navy SEAL, had no trouble subduing his attackers.]

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Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?