The Morgan Doctrine: Dear Kim Jong Un: Hillary's Your Chance to Be a Superstar!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Dear Kim Jong Un: Hillary's Your Chance to Be a Superstar!

Heaven help me, but I never thought I'd be giving meaningful PR advice to a Megalomaniac Mental Midget (M-cubed or maybe 3M?). But I was talking yesterday to Jeff Walker, one of the charter members of my cyber privateer fantasy league team and the inspiration for The Perfect Virus (see his nomination here), and Jeff came up with this idea. Simply, challenge KJU to release all of Hillary Clinton's email to the world! Not only would it beat the hell out of publicly spanking Sony, but the PR value could greatly endear this emotional pygmy to a GOP-controlled congress and perhaps even a 2016 POTUS candidate or two.

I confess I've been selfishly monetizing the NORK's "Beloved Leader" in my own humble way. Those of you who might be attending the Sales 2.0 Conference in San Francisco on April 27-28, 2015 will see the following ad:

Did you know that there is no royalty free stock photography of Kim Jong Un available for advertising use? So I had to hire a caricaturist to pull this off (and full disclosure demands I fess up to owning stock in the company being advertised). Shamelessly plagiarizing from the Sony movie that drew M-cubed's wrath, the "fun factor" kept me from seeing the big picture.

Thanks to Jeff Walker, the NORK Wee Warlock Wonker (W-cubed?) could actually become a media sweetheart. All he has to do is promise his Chinese sponsors that he'll play nice with the world for 12 months in exchange for their treasure trove of Hillary Clinton emails. As I previously posted, it's flat guaranteed that the Chinese have all those emails (see my rationale here).

Of course, Jeff's brilliant idea will never happen, because none of the midget's minions would dare present His Royal Himself with this insulting article. After all, who wants to get torn to pieces by hungry dogs on NORK television? But maybe one of my Chinese readers (the third most frequent visitors to this blog, second only to Ukraine and the United States) might scrub my sarcasm and cause an Utterly Unbelievable Ungasm in a small and easily manipulated brain, accompanied by the tune Springtiime for Hitler.

Taman Shud.

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Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?

Background: Welcome black hats, white hats and cyber swashbucklers

The Revolutionary War was fought, financed, and pretty well WON by bonded privateers, legalized pirates who were given Letters of Marque and Reprisal by the Continental Congress and authorized to attack, capture and monetize British ships. The purpose of this site is to explore the possibility of a modern-day doctrine much like the Monroe Doctrine, by means of which the U.S. government could legally and, more importantly, effectively stop international hackers. Current cybercrime law is not only ineffective, but downright stupid. My Linux servers are attacked hundreds of times a day (mostly from China and former USSR domains), yet if I retaliate against those servers with some creative technology at my disposal (I know some VERY smart guys), then I am in violation of federal law and subject to some onerous penalties. We need more than a new law. We need a new international doctrine. I call it The Morgan Doctrine, named after Morgan Rapier, a fictional character I've created (hey, this is my way of establishing ownership of the concept, should it ever see the light of day).

Why a new international doctrine? Simply, nothing else will work. Introduced on December 2, 1823, the Monroe Doctrine told the world to keep their hands off the Americas. Combine this with current legal thinking on "hot pursuit" of fugitives. In 1917 the US Army went into Mexico after Pancho Villa. More recently, in 1960 Israeli Mossad agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from Argentina. Granted, much of the world regards the Eichmann adventure as a violation of international law. I don't share that opinion and therefore use it as the third leg of my Monroe-Pancho-Aldof platform for The Morgan Doctrine.

If someone comes into your home and attacks or attempts to rob you, you may shoot them dead. You may do so as long as they expire on your property. But what about cyber criminals? They attack you in your home from their homes. Retaliate in kind, and you go to jail. The Morgan Doctrine states simply that if you attack my computers (or my banking assets held in US-based computers), then under a certain set of well-defined conditions, a licensed and bonded "cyber privateer" may attack you in your home country and split the proceeds with the U.S. government. For the sake of argument, let's call it a 50-50 split (heh heh).

Right now, American law enforcement is completely unequipped to deal with the sheer number international cyber hackers. Sure, I could report each of the thousand daily attacks to the FBI, as could the millions of other attackees in the USA. But the volume of such reports would make any meaningful resolution laughable. Not to mention that the FBI has no jurisdiction outside the USA. Yet to make such "enforcement" profitable to recognized (ie, "bonded" "deputized") privateers, as Heath Ledger's Joker said in his last role, "Now you're talking!" You raid our bank accounts, we raid yours. You make money from off-shore child pornography, we're going to loot your bank accounts and, with some REALLY creative black hat operations, you will be taken off the grid worldwide to the extent that you'll not even complete a cell phone conversation for the remainder of your miserable depraved life. Okay, that last part probably won't fly, but you get my drift.

The purpose of this site is to explore the mechanics, legalities and practicality of The Morgan Doctrine.

And I will be the sole arbiter of whether or not your comments get posted. As Mel Brooks wrote, "It's good to be king."