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Sunday, April 25, 2021

Dear FBI, Here's Why You Get No Respect

 

Ah sigh! I get one of these I-have-video-of-you-watching-porn extortion attempts about once a month. Since I've never been to a porn site in my life, I just grab the Bitcoin wallet link and have the message automatically routed to my junk mailbox. Because I'll get about 10 of these follow-ups in my emailbox every day. If you turkeys happen to have this schmuck's identity in your worthless bag of tricks, now would be the time to swoop down on him like a pack of speed-crazed wolverines. Here's his Bitcoin wallet:

1Cg1X5xS6wkLqPksNcsVzm41Mf24PsrE1

Don't worry. I won't hold my breath waiting to hear from one of you suits (as Mozzie would refer to you in the series White Collar). Instead, I'll just put out my own "hit" on this moron.

If any of my several-hundred-thousand viewers know who this is, I've got a swell prize for you if you (a) send me a creative video of how you (b) make this pile of camel dung wish he'd never been born. The more creative, the bigger the reward. Of course, I'll need proof that this was the guy. Yeah, it's a guy. Women are way more subtle. So much for being politically correct and gender neutral. This is a hit, not some pacifist singing Cumbaya chained to a lamp post in front of the police station.

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Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?