Saturday, March 15, 2014

Malaysia Flight 370: Hypothetical White House Conversation

PRESIDENT: Who's the guy with the Teddy Bear?

NSA DIRECTOR: Mister President, we call him Rainman. He wrote the classified Tripwire program that produced these data.

PRESIDENT: Yeah, well…that is the purpose of this meeting. Why the hell don't we tell the world what happened to Malaysia flight 370? I've seen your hi-res videos.

NSA DIRECTOR: We're confident that a foreign government engineered this disappearance to see exactly how advanced our global surveillance technology truly is.

RAINMAN: [Expletive]ing Chinese.

PRESIDENTIAL AIDE: Sir! You do NOT use that language in front of the president!

NSA DIRECTOR: Please forgive this outburst. Our Rainman is an autistic computer savant, and excitement sometimes presents itself as Tourette's.  I promise you, if it weren't absolutely necessary for him to be here…

PRESIDENTIAL AIDE: [interrupting]…That Teddy Bear stinks. Get it out of here.

NSA DIRECTOR: Sir, with due respect, the last person who tried to separate Rainman from his Teddy Bear has never completed a cell phone call since. In fact, any digital record of his life, including credit history, has ceased to exist on the planet. He currently lives in New York City's Central Park where he begs for food.

PRESIDENT: Back to the purpose of this meeting. Exactly why are we not showing the world what happened to flight 370?

NSA DIRECTOR: Sir, because we don't want the world to know the extent of our technology. Unlike the Russians who tipped their hand by using the SNAKE virus in Ukraine…

RAINMAN: [Expletive]ing Russians!

NSA DIRECTOR: Mister President, I am so very sorry…

No comments:

Post a Comment

Implementation suggestions for THE MORGAN DOCTRINE are most welcome. What are the "Got'chas!"? What questions would some future Cyber Privateering Czar have to answer about this in a Senate confirmation hearing?